True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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