Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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