i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
