I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
