a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
