omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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