You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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