Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
