Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
