You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
