I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
