The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We need to rekindle our bromance
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
