i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
