Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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