he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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