Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
