i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
