Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
