Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
send nudes
from the living room?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
