Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
