Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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