first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Help me help you realize you are a moron
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
