Pappa wants mamma naked
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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