ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
