Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
