i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
