we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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