maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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