Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
