I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
