i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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