i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Enjoy the penises
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
