apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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