im gay
i know
yea but for you.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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