I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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