Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
