If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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