I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
