have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
