you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
