you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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