I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
sarcasm needs its own font
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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