Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
handjob tips. give me some.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
