So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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