I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
