If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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