There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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