Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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