i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
