my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
