I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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