You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize