I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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