why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just gift wrapped bread.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize