Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
