happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
