dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
