I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
