I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
it's like iHOP with fire
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
