well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
