I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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