If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
operation harelip BJ is a go
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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