It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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