69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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