Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
