so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
