she was so not down for the gang bang
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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