Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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