Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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