I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
