OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
