Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
